Did you ever see the movie, Broadcast News? Netflix doesn't stream it, but they have the DVD (and the DVD pricing package doesn't go up until mid September) ANYWAY...It's a great movie about a TV newsroom with Albert Brooks and William Hurt as rival reporters and Holly Hunter is the producer. She is brilliant. Driven. Focused. Professional. And once a day she goes into her office and bawls her eyes out. It's her therapy. When she returns from her secret cathartic act, no one knows- her game face is on, she is back.
I relate.
I don't go into my room and cry, I'm not much of a crier--but I wallow. In private. I don't usually tell anyone I'm doing it, really, that would be depressing. And embarrassing- the moments are fairly brief and those that care about me would be trying to snap me out of something that was snapped hours ago. Besides, they are not who I am entirely- merely a part of the package. And a part I really don't like to advertise.
If you don't have a public and a private persona--a different mask for your kids teachers or your boss,or even your friends and family than you have for the face in your mirror--well, goody for you. You are either lying or so in tune with yourself that you would probably not like to hang with someone as messed up as me. Move along now.
Since I am living my life out loud and honest on this blog this month, I struggled with writing about these 2-3 hour jags about once every two, sometimes three weeks. Usually an event triggers them, today it was opening the newspaper.
How I spent my morning, by Susan Vollenweider
Anxious.
Blue.
Frustrated.
Paranoid.
Irrelevant.
Struggling.
Kicked.
Selfish.
Sad.
Plummeting.
Dark.
Defeated.
SNAP!
Hopeful.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
2 comments:
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days, but I totally get it. I have my game face, so that the Mine last more like one or two kids don't get too freaked out by their mom who looks lke she might need a straightjacket (do they even know what those are anymore?) Yesterday while at work, I sat somberly at my computer, letting tears escape every now and then, but trying so hard to be together because I don't want all the questions. We have to crumble for a bit every once in awhile...as long as it doesn't last. Being human isn't for the faint of heart.
ReplyDeletelet's not bring hte straightjacket back! Loved the last line, you are so right, it isn't!!
ReplyDelete