Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Joseph on the Shelf

When we hauled the Christmas decor upstairs, Joseph lost his head.


For several years, part of our holiday traditions include re-gluing Joseph's head back on. My brother gave us this manger scene the first year that we were married, and it has had a place of honor every year since. The scene depicted is, after all, what our family holiday centers around.

But, like Mary and Joseph, we had some kids. And like all but one of theirs, our kids are not perfect. One of ours knocked Joseph to the ground and he lost his head. My first line of repair is always the hot glue gun. It seemed to work for this project,too.

Every time. Enter that tradition.

But this year, now almost two weeks since the arrival of Joseph to the living room, I was a little slow on the repair. The fact that it didn't horrify the kids was my chief excuse.

"I see Joseph still has no head," they would say. It was as if they thought, "Don't all manger scenes depict a headless patriarch?"

But I should fix it.

Yesterday I hauled the glue gun upstairs (yes, it's soooo heavy). Then I located ammo sticks.

And that's as far as I got in the process that day.

Today I passed by Joseph and grabbed his head with the full intention of reuniting it with his body. But then I thought about the Elf on the Shelf (EOTS).

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said about this Elf creature. If he's your thing, I'm sure it's a very charming family tradition. Much sweeter than my headless Nazarene.

I'm not a fan. It seems like more work than I want to add to my plate at this time of year. If I have to make excuses for the Tooth Fairy not arriving, then I'm pretty sure I won't be able to keep up with EOTS.  And  I have  used so many excuses for why the Tooth Fairy didn't come through, that I created a TOS for her several years ago.

Tooth Fairy Terms Of Service:

You must notify a parent when a tooth falls out. A parent MUST call the Tooth Fairy Hotline (TFH) and set an appointment. The secret number of the TFH is only given when an adult becomes a parent, a ndif the number is given to a child, all services to that household will cease. If a scheduling call is made past normal office hours, the Tooth Fairy MAY choose to postpone the visit by a night; if the child attempts to trick the Tooth Fairy in any way, she will also postpone for an additional day. If the child complains, the parent may call to postpone another day. The Tooth Fairy is a very busy woman, works by appointment only, and sometimes misses appointments due to unforeseen emergencies, or inclement weather in other parts of the world.  If this occurs, a representative of the TFH may call a parent after the child is asleep and reschedule.


Inspired by several PinterUberBloggingBSMoms overly saccharine EOTS posts- I decided to let Joseph play Elf on the Shelf. I figured that if the elf could narc on kids to Santa, Joseph certainly had a direct line to Jesus.

Am I right?

At first I thought it might be offensive- this is, afterall, a statuette of the human father of Jesus. But then I figured it was just a statuette. If someone worships a statuette I think that falls under worshipping false idols and God would have more issue with them, leaving me free to scoot around that person, and badda bing- heaven.

Besides, if you think that this Anglo inspired fella looks anything like the real Joseph, you might need some geography and history lessons.

File Joseph's Head on a Shelf under: That's Not Creepy At All.

Right next to Elf on the Shelf.

He seas you.

Actually ON a shelf

This probably smells a lot better than the stable

Cheese Head or Head Cheese- you pick

I seriously might keep this here

This would totally freak out my husband

Sweet dreams, Joseph

1 comment:

  1. Oh Susan you sure had me laughing at this one! I LOVE the Tooth Fairy agreement! TOO funny. And all the Joseph on the Shelf pictures were brilliant!


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