Something Good Happened To Me Today

This is a (potentially failing) effort to have a record of good life things (which are often floating in a sea of Meh, with crashing waves of Not-So-Great ). Some photographic, some written...who knows- but a place that I can look at and remember the only the good and drown out the sound of the rest. 

WARNING: It's going to look totally braggy on here, like I have this fabulous, better than fiction existence...but I don't. I have a very normal, exactly like everyone else life...including that person who only posts stuff on social media when they do something fabulous like foursquare from Hawaii, or facebook a picture of their kid winning an award. 

This is the mood I want to capture if even for a second each day. It's an image from last year when I was utterly gleeful for a full day. In my head I was trying to slow down time, capture every moment in my memory, and never, ever let it go. 

This is my dad and me bouncing around in the back of my nephew's jeep on Chappaquiddick. My twin brother's truck is behind us and it was a perfect family day. Perfect.

...and go!

April 30: 

And it's the last day. If you are reading this for the first time and are neurotic and like this in chronological order, scroll to the bottom and work up.
Am I glad I did this?
Yes.
Did it help me see the positive?
Maybe.
Will I continue?
Doubt it.
Will I keep it as a page and refer to it?
Yes.
Susan, this month sucked for a variety of reasons but even within the suckage there was good. Always remember that.

April 29: Brian had a birthday. That's always good, right?

April 28:

April 27: I was able to help my daughter get some babysitting jobs. She's a terrific babysitter, especially for older kids. She loves doing it, has a great time as well as bringing a curiously appealing work ethic (she likes to leave the house cleaner than when she got there.) Jobs have been slow of late, but two popped up and I snagged them for her. She has a trip to San Antonio this summer through church. We paid for the trip, but she has to earn her own spending money. Not a lot of job opportunities for a teen without a drivers licence in our rural town, so I'm happy to haul her to babysitting jobs.

April 26: Plans for the day had to be rescheduled and I'm getting burnt out on all things. ALL things. Brian had a lunch meeting so he was gone for a big chink in the middle of the day- I had the house to myself. Sweet blissful solitude. I enhanced my hair color without anyone watching then decided to take some time (while I dusted, and did a couple other chores that let me stay in one room) and watch Call the Midwife which A LOT of people have suggested I would like but I never had a huge chunk of time with the sole "ownership" of the good tv that gets Netflix.

So I colored my hair and watch 3 episodes of a show that I did, indeed, love...alone.

April 25: 

April 24: My parents are coming for a visit!!!! This is a very, very good thing. I love my parents a lot, but I also LIKE my parents and I don't get to see them very often (they live in another time zone). So very, very good thing.

April 23: This day sucked, no other word for it. I did manage to pull my ass and attitude out of the shithole about mid afternoon but the stench of the day clung to everything.

And then it was over, and I went to bed. So I guess the good thing was that I have sweet dear friends who knew exactly what to say, or what not to say, who didn't take my efftheworld attitude personally...and the day ended.

April 22: Monday mornings, after I drop Noah off at school, I come home, pour a cup of coffee, sit down at my computer and drop out. For that full cup off coffee I shed guilt and read facebook, twitter and g+ posts. I click links to nonsense, I ignore the fact that it's Change the Sheet Monday and catch up with the weekends of my friends, laugh or learn something new that won't apply to anything I'm doing now- I chill. Alone.

The last couple of months, Brian has been home looking for work. I really haven't had alone time. I've had his stress, which seeps off of him looking for a target to attach and grow like a virus that we can both share. There is very little that I can do to help ease Jobless Husband Stress, although it has become attached to my own marrow and is growing and I am helpless to stop it.

This morning he had an appointment (note: I did not say he started a job). He left the house right after I came home from the elementary school drop-off, I poured my coffee, sat down at the computer and allowed myself that little bit of guilt free-time. And I took a picture just as I finished the coffee because it was a terrific 20 minutes.

April 21: I went to church. A lot of times I go to church and have less than great moments. I'm always glad that I went, usually learn something new but have a history of drifting off in thought and when that happens I look around and try and figure out what kind of morning other parishioners had. I make up stuff, ok? Sometimes I give them new names and identities and we aren't in church but at some other kind of community event...in my head. Ok, that might not make sense at all. But it happens and let's just leave it at this: sometimes I get story ideas in church that have nothing to do with God or Jesus, or anything biblical other than breaking commandments.

But today I was there with my family, all of us lined up in the pew like we usually are: Bekah, me, Luke, Noah then Brian. I was overcome with love for my family and said a prayer of thanks for the opportunity to be a part of this tradition. My kids are always going to remember our (very routine) Sunday mornings. They might not love parts of the memory, but it will be a big, impactful one for them.

April 20: Umm, umm...Truth: It's two days later and I can't remember anything really great that happened this day. It didn't stink, but good things? I've got nothing.

April 19: The sun came out! Finally! Still cold...but sun! Happy happy!

April 18: Sometimes I get a glance at my kids doing an every day activity and I'm smacked upside the head with the thought, "How cool is it that I get a front-row seat to watch this unique individual grow and develop? How cool is it to get to see their special-to-them qualities shine? Very cool." I had that when Bekah was putting on her coat to go to school- I love her style- so her.

April 17:

A few (that would be more than a couple, less than six which would enter Severaland) times in the past few weeks I have gotten a message that sends a shot of hope through my veins and straight into my heart. My head interferes. "Settle down there, Heart. This doesn't mean anything concrete other than one more hurdle has been past. But, Babe, I have to tell you: there are MANY more hurdles to cross before you can call this a done deal. M-A-N-Y. Just chill."

And then my heart tells my head to STFU and lets me have a moment of glee. The head responds with a snorty nod of condescension and throws her hands up.

I got one of those messages today. 

April 16: Noah wanted to hang out near me while I was working, so he got some paper, took my box of crayons off my desk and set off to draw a picture of me sailing. He was selecting colors and asking questions (Mom, what color was your boat? Mom, did you ever fish?). Suddenly he stopped the questions to make a statement,"Mom! Look at these colors! They don't make these anymore, these are vintage!"

I sighed and told him that I was, too. But the next thing I know we are both researching all the retired colors, printing off lists of the history of the Crayola colors, and talking about why "flesh" was an insensitive name for a crayon. I didn't get much more work done, but it didn't matter. My son loved the research, he pulled out a collection of retired colors or crayons with changed names and hauled all his documents to school today to teach his class a lesson. There wasn't anything to not feel good about...starting with how joyful a box of crayons is.

April 15: I could hug tight and fall asleep next to my 8 yr old after together praying for a family, as well as the families of the Newtown children, who no longer can.

April 14: Dirt. I dug in the dirt, cleared out, divided and replanted half a neglected bed of flowers and it felt amazing.

April 13: I mowed. I love to mow. I love the feel of the mower, the lines in the grass, the smell, the exercise, being outside, it all makes me very happy...I love to mow. 

April 12:

 A tuna sandwich. Actually TWO tuna sandwiches.

Brian can't stand the smell of tuna fish (or any fish for that matter). I used to have a tuna sandwich at least once a week but since he got laid off and has been home, there haven't been any days that I am here alone at lunchtime.

Until today.

I even sat down to eat them. Tuna melts on wheat. Here is my tuna recipe: Canned tuna, mayo (MAYO...never shall that other stuff pass these lips again), sliced black olives (or capers), diced water chestnuts, garlic powder and pepper. 

Then I melted a square of lemon poundcake scent in the scentsy warmer.

April 11:
Every morning that I take Noah to school I give him a choice of routes: through town or by the lake. Usually he picks the lake and that choice makes me happy. The drive is prettier than going through town: rolling hills, few houses and the lake. Plus, we get to go via the road over the dam which I call the, "Damn Road". That makes me smile, too.

Lately Noah has been on a bird watching bender. He'll point out herons and ducks. Once he spotted an eagle perched on a rock, and the other day he asked, "Are those pelicans?" I slowed the car. " They sure look like pelicans...are there pelicans in fresh water? White pelicans?" We have yet to look it up to verify, but his commentary about the birds is pretty entertaining. We like to come up with ways to describe the color and texture of the water that changes depending on the weather.

This morning the water was steel grey and still. But the shoreline was dotted with a large flock of water fowl. When they skimmed the glassy surface it looked like they were etching lines with their wake.

It was beautiful and sharing the moment with Noah was a very good thing. I couldn't stop to capture the moment, there wasn't a pull-over spot, but this is on my return trip, long past the special moment. The tiny black dots are the birds, and at the top of the little rise on the left of this picture is the Damn Road.

 

April 10:

I woke up this morning and my sinuses were ready to bust a hole in my face. A weather front was coming through and the barometer behind my eyes was expanding with the change in pressure.

Two large cups of coffee, a prescription allergy medicine, two tylenol and a mucinex-D (the kind that honest,non-meth producing people like myself have to sign for at the pharmacy like we are on some government monitored child-with-candy rationing system...while the real meth-producers just laugh and hire people to buy it for them)(I assume, being one of the former)and several tall glasses of water later- I still had a sinus headache.

The good part of my day might have been the fun, yet productive in a writer-geek kinda way, g+ hangout I had with a far away friend, but the sinus headache kept that from being  THE good thing.

And hour after I hung up with her, I had some leftover chicken for lunch. But that was too healthy so I supplemented with some junk food. When I bent over to toss my soda can in the trash, I braced myself for the painful slosh of mucus behind my eyes...and it didn't happen. This was the sight that I beheld when I realized that my headache was going away:

Tuesday, April 9: 
 I made a cake. My favorite cake. I don't know why this is my favorite cake, it makes no sense. I don't really like chocolate cake, I'm not the biggest fan of eating cake anyway. I like to make it for other people, but usually only have a tiny slice.

Anyway, since this is the good thing page -and this day has not fallen into that category one bit- the best thing that happened to me today is that I made this cake. It's one of those chocolate wafer and whipped cream logs that people make a lot at Christmas, but it's my favorite cake so I make all year. I don't believe in luck, but I made it shaped like a horseshoe because the log just looks boring.

And it doesn't fit on the plate like a log. 

Monday, April 8:

This weekend I gave the kids haircuts. Noah's came out horrible. I couldn't get the front to look good and Brian was micromanaging me, not wanting the kid's hair to be cut too short. This morning Noah came to me with a container of styling creme and asked if I could fix it. This is what I did. He loved it! It suits his cool, bow-tie wearing, future heartthrob image of himself. I had a moment of delight when I saw how happy he was.