Saturday, May 7, 2011

It's not all glitz and glamor

It's 8:00 AM. We have been up for a bit over an hour and I am ready to go back to bed and sleep. Until 2015. Or maybe later if I can figure out a snooze option to accomplish that.

My ears are bleeding from the whining.

I've already yelled once to turn the damn wii off if they can't agree on anything. And twice now " LANGUAGE!" has shot towards them.

There is a small mountain of laundry forming that I need to fold, and another ready to take it's place in the process of getting cleaned.

I have some chores for today that I normally enjoy-- gardening, mowing-- and it's a nice day. But bed seems like such a great option.

When I look at my To Do list for today, I am pretty sure there is little time for me to be sitting here, drinking coffee and typing. But, to be truthful and painfully honest, that is the only thing that holds any appeal at this moment. I mean, besides the go back to bed option.

I am completely overwhelmed and shutting down and not really sure how to climb out of it.

I won't go into the boring details but suffice it to say that we are in a deep gully in a 20 year marriage, 2/3 of my kids are going through the complex, mood-swingy emotions and dramas of teenagerhood- and the third one is six which may as well be 13 for all the attitude he spouts forth. I have been a SAHM for 15 years and my husband has decided that the best course of action for our family would be for me to find a job.

Not a part time job; not a work on it for a future payoff job ( I already have those)- a "real" 40+hr a week job.


He feels that his job, plus a full time of mine, will give us the proper balance of time with the kids, and energy spent in maintaining not only our current lifestyle, but also our savings. He feels that he can pick up where I will have to leave off at home- how hard is it?  Bitch slap worthy commentary aside, he might have a point. I guess I would be willing to look for full time work. Except that I can't answer the question: What type of work are you looking for?

I have no freaking idea.

Ask Mr Know-it-all and he will tell you one that pays $X salary.

It must be great to be a Left- Brained person.

No, really. Bottom lining, being all logical all the time? It must be great.

But us Right Brainers, we don't work that way. And when the Lefties start pointing out the obvious, and why can't we see that? Well, I won't speak for all of us, but I shut down.

Usually I am really great good at looking at things with rose colored glasses, seeing the optimism in a situation--I've always liked that about myself. But right now, the boys are STILL fighting over the damn video games, my ears are still bleeding, and that laundry hasn't folded itself-- and that is just the share with the public version. There is more, quite a bit actually, but I have already crossed my personal sharing line. Let's just leave it at: I'm not feeling very optimistic. I'm downright negative, actually.

That should help me get a job, don't you think?


  1. Every day next week, leave the house from 7:30 until 6:00. Go to Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, whereever, just make yourself completely unavailable during that time.

    My money's on the fact that your husband will change his tune about YOU being the one to go back to work. :)

  2. Hang in there SF. When my life gets overwhelming, I literally take each day one step, one breath, one moment at a time. Thinking too far ahead makes my head spin, and my worries bubble to the top. One foot in front of the other. We are women, and we can get shit done. Even when we're overwhelmed and unhappy about it. I wish you peace. <3

  3. I identify with overwhelming. I think I want to go back to work; I think I want to stay home. I'm frustrated because I can't find a teaching job; I'm secretly happy that I can't find a teaching job. I don't know what I want. Just breathe. And then breathe some more. Everything always works out the way it needs to work out. P.S. Love the new look.


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