I get them. Who doesn’t it? I’m in one now . What usually happens when I am in a mood like this-- which my doc has diagnosed. I won’t bore you but it has to do with my menstrual cycles and I refuse to take the meds for 30 days just so that I can cruise through the 1 or 2 that I feel this way. Besides, I’m 46 how many more months can this possibly go on? And if I can’t handle this , I am going to be a mess when I actually hit puberty… I mean menopause.
Anyway. I am in one of THOSE moods. Everything that anyone says gets twisted in my head . “ Susan, did you try a new recipe?“ gets turned into “ Susan. You are a stupid moron who can‘t cook, this sucks.”. My head isn’t very nice is she? Yeah, I know. I should put her on a time out. You know the kind where you go into a quiet room and lay down and sleep? One of those. Anyway, the mood will be gone in a short time so I thought I would share it with you all. (Stop right here if you want to continue to think of me as a really nice person. )
Actually, I do have this thought that I would like to start a companion blog. One that doesn’t choose each word carefully. One that doesn't take everyone’s feelings into consideration. One that doesn’t Google lyrics and just types them out in all their misheard glory. I even just Googled Messed Up song lyrics ( it’s a song? Huh?) and discovered it’s “ Harden my heart, swallow my tears” Not Hard in my heart, all full of tears.” In this BLOG B I just write it like I think it. Or would say it if you were sitting next to me. If you were right next to me, you would look at me like I am all crazy ( you might be right) and I would have to backpedaled. Fun, non?
Blogs began as logs, journals first person accounts of life. Opinions, views and uncensored thoughts. Now, thanks to this wonderfully politically correct world, they all cover their butts. ( See in BLOG B I would have said ASSES). But now, family reads these, friends, people that I know. I don’t want to hurt them, I love them. So I choose my words carefully. Makes for better writing, but just like talking to someone face to face, you don’t know exactly what I am thinking. Even if I tell you exactly what I am thinking, isn’t there always a nugget of doubt? We all have Poker Faces. We all use them. We all know that we use them and, what, pretend we don’t?
Anyway, in BLOG B I would say what I was really really thinking. What the gut reaction voice inside my head would say in a situation. Yes, this is VERY childish… but it’s also honest. Or is honestly only what remains after we have looked at every side of a situation, had every argument with ourselves, thought everything through VERY CAREFULLY?
Just so you know, there is a BLOG B.. and an ANONYMOM and a bunch of other titles that came to mind today. They aren’t me. You can go check them out, I’m sure the bloggers would like the hits, but don’t expect to see what I was really thinking when my kid dropped the F-bomb in the driveway, or my brother called to say he remarried his ex-wife.. Again. You will just have to trust me here. Or if you know me well, you could ask me. When I can’t edit or delete. The backpedal might be entertaining for you.
Anyway, I am in a foul mood, and like a terrible, yet quick thunderstorm is already dissipating. Hopefully I have not left a wake of destruction in my path.