There are always hints to our future if we know where to look. Usually when we get our 20 / 20 Hindsight Glasses on, the hints glare at us. Maybe it is seeing habits in your husband that your Dad possessed. Maybe it is seeing your Mom in the mirror. Maybe it beams at you when you ground your teen for doing exactly the same thing you did at her age.
Maybe it is reading your blog from just a few days ago when you thought you had your summer mapped out.
"Life got in the way of our annual vacation"
"But if all goes well, in a couple of months I will hit the road with the two most important woman in my life, and my first and second born children. "
Once again LIFE has gotten in the way of our vacation. The trip that we thought we had planned out so well -- the DONE DEAL with my MIL and my Mom is not going to happen. The reasons are not important. I can't play the blame game, I won't. I'm tired of it. I lose the blame game each time because I twist the reality and end up blaming myself. I started to do that yesterday when I said "I should have seen this coming," I told my friend " it's all my fault for getting excited so far in advance.
I am still taking blame. I should KNOW by now that my life doesn't work out on Plan A. What usually happens to me is somewhere down the alphabet . Plan Q. Plan T. Right now our vacation is at Plan W. I'm running out of alphabet.
Usually I am OK on Plan Q. I actually PLAN for Plan Q. I know that things aren't going to go according to Plan A so I have my life Jogging Gear and Heart Protection Armor on. I can be levelheaded as I zig and zag with the plan changes . I don't let it get to me, I know that is life and that eventually it will all work out for the best. Just keep doing the zig zag jog.
But I wasn't dressed appropriately for this one and I ended up not being ready for what happened. When LIFE GOT IN THE WAY again it took me down. Literally. I was in tears . Nobody was dead, injured or facing a major life challenge-- but I was laying on the bed sobbing like a heartbroken teenager.
But I have gotten back up, gotten my Armor and Gear on and am zig and zagging. I am trying to salvage the dream.
I know that I can not take the unpleasant memories that my kids have from recent summers away. I know that I can not create future good memories. But I do know that I am smart and strong enough to set up a situation where my family and I can be in place for future pleasant summer memories. Just like my parents did for me when I was a kid. They didn't create the memories. They don't even share the exact ones my brothers and I have. Their memories are of the zig and zag they did with what life threw at them. My treasured memories are of the car trip across the USA. The summers at the shore. The times at my grandparents cottage with my cousins. These 20/20 Hindsight Glasses ROCK!