Joseph on the Shelf

When we hauled the Christmas decor upstairs, Joseph lost his head.

Again.

For several years, part of our holiday traditions include re-gluing Joseph's head back on. My brother gave us this manger scene the first year that we were married, and it has had a place of honor every year since. The scene depicted is, after all, what our family holiday centers around.

But, like Mary and Joseph, we had some kids. And like all but one of theirs, our kids are not perfect. One of ours knocked Joseph to the ground and he lost his head. My first line of repair is always the hot glue gun. It seemed to work for this project,too.

Every time. Enter that tradition.

But this year, now almost two weeks since the arrival of Joseph to the living room, I was a little slow on the repair. The fact that it didn't horrify the kids was my chief excuse.

"I see Joseph still has no head," they would say. It was as if they thought, "Don't all manger scenes depict a headless patriarch?"

But I should fix it.

Yesterday I hauled the glue gun upstairs (yes, it's soooo heavy). Then I located ammo sticks.

And that's as far as I got in the process that day.

Today I passed by Joseph and grabbed his head with the full intention of reuniting it with his body. But then I thought about the Elf on the Shelf (EOTS).

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said about this Elf creature. If he's your thing, I'm sure it's a very charming family tradition. Much sweeter than my headless Nazarene.

I'm not a fan. It seems like more work than I want to add to my plate at this time of year. If I have to make excuses for the Tooth Fairy not arriving, then I'm pretty sure I won't be able to keep up with EOTS.  And  I have  used so many excuses for why the Tooth Fairy didn't come through, that I created a TOS for her several years ago.


Tooth Fairy Terms Of Service:

You must notify a parent when a tooth falls out. A parent MUST call the Tooth Fairy Hotline (TFH) and set an appointment. The secret number of the TFH is only given when an adult becomes a parent, a ndif the number is given to a child, all services to that household will cease. If a scheduling call is made past normal office hours, the Tooth Fairy MAY choose to postpone the visit by a night; if the child attempts to trick the Tooth Fairy in any way, she will also postpone for an additional day. If the child complains, the parent may call to postpone another day. The Tooth Fairy is a very busy woman, works by appointment only, and sometimes misses appointments due to unforeseen emergencies, or inclement weather in other parts of the world.  If this occurs, a representative of the TFH may call a parent after the child is asleep and reschedule.

ACCEPT
DECLINE
THERE IS NO BUT




Inspired by several PinterUberBloggingBSMoms overly saccharine EOTS posts- I decided to let Joseph play Elf on the Shelf. I figured that if the elf could narc on kids to Santa, Joseph certainly had a direct line to Jesus.

Am I right?

At first I thought it might be offensive- this is, afterall, a statuette of the human father of Jesus. But then I figured it was just a statuette. If someone worships a statuette I think that falls under worshipping false idols and God would have more issue with them, leaving me free to scoot around that person, and badda bing- heaven.

Besides, if you think that this Anglo inspired fella looks anything like the real Joseph, you might need some geography and history lessons.

File Joseph's Head on a Shelf under: That's Not Creepy At All.

Right next to Elf on the Shelf.

He seas you.

Actually ON a shelf

This probably smells a lot better than the stable

Cheese Head or Head Cheese- you pick

Suh-WEEET!

 

I seriously might keep this here

This would totally freak out my husband

Sweet dreams, Joseph

Picking A Side: Black Friday Shopping

This is not a shocking revelation. It's not a thought unique to me, I'm simply picking a side to stand on.

I've been debating Black Friday shopping in my head the last couple of days. I've read cute posts on facebook and twitter about waiting in line and the comradery of being with loved ones and friends. I've seen the sales ads with the great deals, and yes, if you can score one of those limited quantities, and it's something that is on your list and in your budget- that would be something. The thrill of the hunt and all.

I've seen the pictures, the video of the worst of the mayhem. I can only assume that most scenarios aren't quite that greedily horrific, most shopping experiences don't have the level of ugly consumerism that are in those images. They can't can they?

But the potential is there.

While I won't piss on anyone's fun- everyone has their things and if Black Friday shopping is one of yours- you go for it! Have fun! Enjoy! Share the cost of all your hard won deals and get all your Christmas shopping done before I even finish off the pumpkin pie from Thanksgiving.

Score those discounted items and have that special time with your people! That really would be the only appeal for me because, honestly, I don't think I have the stomach for it.  The worry and wonder alone of possibly having to witness one of those worst case scenarios would suck any joy out of  the outing.

Like I said, it's not shocking or earth shattering or even all that important...but Black Friday shopping is not my thing. I spent the day helping my kids clean out closets and toy chests full of their own former materialistic dreams.

I also ate pumpkin pie.

Part of my planting...

As part of my planting season, as in the past couple of years, during November I am participating in NaNoWriMo.

Oh great, another wanna be novelist talking about how awesome NaNoWriMo is...

Sorta.

But not really.

I firmly believe that the best way to grow is to push yourself. See what you are made of. Challenge yourself as you have never challenged yourself before. Do this in WHATEVER your thing is and you will learn a lot about YOUR THING, but also heaps about YOURSELF.

(I'll stop yelling now.)

Last year I finished NaNo in 19 days. I loved my story. I loved it so much that I went back and started to rewrite it...then I found another story that I loved, so I wrote that. And I loved that so much that I started NaNo.

Yeah, so logical. I know.

Today, Day 7 of the NaNo challenge to write a 50K novel in 30 days, I hit word number 25K.

Week one, half done.

But being ahead of my pace isn't all that I am challenging myself  with this NaNo. I also am collaborating on  the story with my 16 year-old daughter. Her 16K and my 50K is a nice sized story, and we thought that it would be fun to take the solitary activity of writing and make a parent/kids activity out of it.

Our novel is a mother-daughter tale about life, loss, love, and learning to accept, embrace and polish what you are given into a unique and wonderfully gleaming gem of a life.

It's also a love story about mothers and daughters...and there is a mermaid, because both my daughter and I kinda love mermaids.

It might suck in the end, but I don't think it does. My gut tells me otherwise.

See, one of the lessons that I have learned since doing my first NaNo was HOW to listen to my gut. And, I don't know if this is universal, but when my gut talks, it's actually IN MY GUT. It's this weird glowy feeling warming up my belly and radiating to my heart.

Once this challenge is complete, then I will leap with joy into the next challenge unlike last year.

I am going to stop writing novels.

Well, I'm going to stop STARTING them and stopping before they are rewritten. I'm going to accept, embrace and polish them. I'm going to listen to my gut and not start another until the two that I have done this year- and the one that I did last year -are polished bright and shiny into unique and wonderfully gleaming gems.

A lot of bloggers post chapters or excerpts from their NaNo's- but I'm not one of them. I'm not comfortable doing that right now.

But I will share the goofy cover that my daughter and I made for this project.

I suck

I don't really think I suck. Not now, anyway. I have a fairly healthy level of self-worth that outweighs my level of self-loathing by a pretty high margin. But I suck at following through on my promise to this blog. Last post I promised that I would be,"back in a sec" and I'm only just doing that now. Gonna claim Mom Time (that abstract and highly subjective measurement system) on this.

So, where have I been? What's up with this epiphany I had? Here it is:

I made these stones years ago for my garden. Then my whole self-worth was tied to being a good mom- which is not a bad thing, but being a good mom isn't the only thing.

At the beginning of this year I was poised for change. The year previously had been full of exciting changes as I morphed from full-time SAHM to some pretty exciting roles. It was fun and I wanted more!

That year I began to write a weekly newspaper column and- most importantly- began to be paid for my writing which did a hell of a lot in justifying the time and energy I put into it. It also gave me a sense of validity and purpose.

And mail.

Have you ever gotten, oh this sounds pretentious- fan mail? I never did, why would I? OK, the " Worlds Greatest Mom" notes my kids have given me through the years are pretty much the most fabulous fan mail ever and very, very valuable.

But from strangers?To know that someone who has no reason to read what you write, hear what you say... to listen, is listening? It's heady. And flattering. And humbling.  And I hope that I never get used to it and take it for granted, but I also hope that I never let it be the only voice that tells me I'm doing a good job. I need to know that internally. But not excessively. That's a pretty fancy dance and I hope that I learn it with the grace an important dance like this requires.

But that wasn't the only change that year- I also began to co-host the podcast at the same time. Also life altering for the amount of work that it requires, and the people that I have met because of it- but the most amazing part for me was being asked to participate. I was a SAHM, a blogger- not a historian. But the prospect of the challenges and personal growth was overwhelming. I had to do it. Had to. Just like I had to have kids, and I had to marry the man that I did- I can't really explain it more than that.

2011 was a crazy busy and changing year and I was ready for it to continue into 2012. I was excited to see where life would take me and what windows of opportunity would allow me to leap through them. I was open for change and convinced that change would happen.

So, what happened?

Nothing. Changed

Nothing.

Standing at the open door and screaming, "Come on change! Show me my destiny!" did nothing.

(That was figurative, by the way.)

I worked editing one of the novels I had written the year before; I started a new one. I studied and wrote and wrote some more- but nothing changed. A couple things did cross my desk- one I tried and failed, one I decided wasn't worth the time that I would have had to devote to it and never leaped at it.

I felt like I was working hard and had nothing new to show for it. It was wheel-spinning at it's worst. I was frustrated. And disappointed. And really did feel like I sucked. My marriage suffered, some other personal relationships suffered- I didn't even want to be around me.

But then I had an epiphany when I stepped outside and saw those stones in my garden:

Not all years are meant for big, visable change. Some years you plant, and some years you harvest and both are of equal importance. Both create change.The harvesting years are more exciting, more visably rewarding for sure. You have something to show for the work.

But the planting years? No appreciative mail for planting, no visable ( or financial) reward for it either. But without it, you have nothing to harvest.

Nothing.

So I am still happily planting. Change will come. It may not be loud and flashy- it may just sneak up on me like it had always been there. I don't know. But until it does, I'm focusing on planting.

I'll be back in a sec...but take a moment to think about your joy

Yes, I know it's been a long time. And I'm sorry. And I'll post about why soon. BUT I wanted to slap this down here because it made me smile.

I write. I love to write. I get high writing. It is not my end all and be all, but it is one of the greatest joys in my life

A parental optimal scenario is when our kids find our life joys for themselves and you both get to splash around and play in that joy together.

Brian has Luke and sports.

I have Bekah and writing.

And then there is Noah.

He is only in second grade. He's fairly athletic but there isn't one particular sport that he seems to find his joy in. He is smart but I don't see him as being drawn to one pursuit. It will happen, Noah will find a joy. Luke found joy like that, slowly over time through grade school. I found joy like that and it took me even longer. I'm simply thrilled to be a part of his personal search and discovery journey.

In the past year or so he has been writing. School assignments, a journal, simple one page, one paragraph essays...he seems to be able to put his moods onto paper. I want to save them all, even the ones with all the spelling mistakes and anger and cross outs. But he is very prolific.

Yesterday he brought home this. He seemed very proud of it, told me that his teacher always smiles when she reads his papers and that he likes making her smile. Maybe she smiles at every paper from every kid, I don't know. But when I read this answer on a test about a book that they read in class it made me smile, too.

"Real frogs don't spend there hole day raking leves. real frogs swim all day and eat bugs so they are way different from each other. Thank you and good night."

He may still be on a journey to find his joy, but reading my kid's voice in an essay question on a test is another one of mine.

Thank you and good night!

Susan

Nothing dies on the internet

We all know (or we should) that anything that is posted online is going to live forever. OK, it might not, but we should treat everything that we post online as if it were to live forever. We should also assume that the person we would least want to see it, will. Remembering those two things will ensure that online life stays fairly drama free.

If we wanted to add on another thought- we should remember Rule 34: if it exists, there is porn of it. I'm not into that, but I twist the rule around a bit to remind myself that whatever I put on here, this blog that gets only nominal hits, can be used for gross and perverse acts. I do put  some pictures of my children here, because I use this space to keep far flung family and friends caught up on their antics. And some of those pictures are funny. And this is sort of a family memory space.

So I try to think of any possible outcome of my words, and I weigh the pros and cons before posting things on here. Obviously, I can't think of every outcome, but live with my choices to post.

Sometimes I look at my stats (they are on the rise, thanks for reading!) and today I found this way down the list of searched words that landed people here:

The post that linked to this one was a tale I recounted back in 2009 of a sweet older woman who helped get me into some icy Maine water. But the only picture on that post was this:

Not the older woman who got me into the water, but me in my (arguably) old lady swimsuit and sarong sitting on the beach in Maine.

Sigh.

Now I have to wonder if that is the old lady on the beach image that someone was looking for....and if there is an application of Rule 34 of it floating around the webs.

On the flip side, when I AM an old woman I will have this to look back on as me in my younger years. Maybe I won't cringe.

We're Just the Girls

Today Bekah and I went shopping. It was a rare trip for the two of us, usually one, or both, of the boys come along. But today, it was just us girls traipsing through Walmart, Target, a resale shop and two grocery stores. (What? I like to spread my retail expenditures all around.)

The first two stores are necessary evils as far as I am concerned. When the highlight of the trip is a new shower curtain, you know it's low on the thrill scale. Also, the music was so horrid, I won't even comment on it.

As we shopped in the first  grocery store, it was disco music that got us. This store plays 70 and 80's music loudly, which tells me that they know me. OK, it tells me that they know their demographic and I am it. My teenage daughter knows some of this music, mostly because she hangs around with me. And because she hangs around with me, she has learned to not be embarrassed. Embarrassment is futile. It won't stop me, and probably will encourage me.

Her motto: What the hell, do as Mom does.

We did our best disco moves in the bread aisle. Although, my Tony Manero saunter to the check out lines probably will appear on the Shoppers- Cam Blooper Reel at the next store employee party.

At the second grocery store they like to play more recent (last ten years) pop music. As we were leaving, pushing the final cart out of the final store into the incinerator disguised as a parking lot, we both started head banging at the same moment. And not in a subtle mature way either. Hair flying head banging. Hang onto the cart, Mama or you will fall over head banging. At the end of the chorus my daughter turned to me, laughed and said, "I love us." Heart melted like ice cream in that parking lot. Heart melt. I love us, too.