Wednesday Wallow

Did you ever see the movie, Broadcast News? Netflix doesn't stream it, but they have the DVD (and the DVD pricing package doesn't go up until mid September) ANYWAY...It's a great movie about a TV newsroom with Albert Brooks and William Hurt as rival reporters and Holly Hunter is the producer. She is brilliant. Driven. Focused. Professional. And once a day she goes into her office and bawls her eyes out. It's her therapy. When she returns from her secret cathartic act, no one knows- her game face is on, she is back.


I relate.


I don't go into my room and cry, I'm not much of a crier--but I wallow. In private. I don't usually tell anyone I'm doing it, really, that would be depressing. And embarrassing- the moments are fairly brief  and those that care about me would be trying to snap me out of something that was snapped hours ago. Besides, they are not who I am entirely- merely a part of the package. And a part I really don't like to advertise.


If you don't have a public and a private persona--a different mask for your kids teachers or your boss,or even your friends and family than you have for the face in your mirror--well, goody for you. You are either lying or so in tune with yourself that you would probably not like to hang with someone as messed up as me. Move along now.


 Since I am living my life out loud and honest on this blog this month, I struggled with writing about these 2-3 hour jags about once every two, sometimes three weeks. Usually an event triggers them, today it was opening the newspaper.


 How I spent my morning, by Susan Vollenweider

Anxious.

Blue.

Frustrated.

Paranoid.

Irrelevant.

Struggling.

Kicked.

Selfish.

Sad.

Plummeting.

Dark.

Defeated.



SNAP!

Hopeful.